OK, so maybe you have seen this image traveling around the inter-nets of late, or perhaps you have seen a different date, no matter.  The internet circulations are inaccurate hoaxes, as the actual date entered into the DeLorean was October 21, 2015.  Why does this matter?  It doesn’t.  2015 or 2012, when referring to it from 1985 it is all still the future.

The Future.

It is now.  Well, if you grew up in the 80’s, at least, the future is now.  Here is the land from which Alf and Howard the Duck where conceived.  Small Wonder?  Yeah, this is her time.   I even think Mork may have passed through here on his way to Boulder.

So how do we fare, here in The Future?

Is it living up to the hype?

I think not.

My future was supposed to have jet packs and flying skateboards.  Teleportation and vis-a-phones.  Food pills and robots.

Jet packs have been attempted many a time, and have even been demonstrated at worlds fairs and amusement parks.  But are they available at Wal-Mart?   No.  And what about flying skateboards?  As far as I can see, they have been taken off the table completely!  I haven’t even heard of a prototype, or anyone at Apple even conceiving of one. As far as I can see, there will be no flying skateboards in my lifetime.

Teleportation?  We’re going back to the drawing board on transportation in general.  Remember trains?   They would be pretty cool now if we still had them.  Imagine public transportation that could get you anywhere in  the country faster than driving and cheaper and more convenient than flying.  Sound crazy?  Look at China.  Too bad we dismantled all of the tracks in this country when we decided we each needed our own personal locomotive.

Vis-a-phones?  Well, obviously this technology is readily available.  We all have the option of installing some type of video-chat on our smart phones, but do we?  No.  Why?  Because the reality is that we don’t really want to look one another in the eye when we talk.  Plus we’re usually not paying attention to the person on the other line anyway, but we don’t really want them to see that, do we?

Food Pills?  I’m still waiting to hear news on this one, but at the rate we’re going, I wouldn’t hold my breath.  Out of all the Orwellian or Spielbergian views of the future I grew up with, none  involved a diet centered on corn.  The people of our future would never accept a food pill anyway, unless it was supersized and served in a bucket with gravy.

Robots?  Well, yes. We have robots.

Actually, out of all the crazy futuristic creations that came out of the fictitious minds of the past, robots are the only one I think they got right.   Robots and machines.  Mostly machines.  The only major “futuristic” thing I see in 2012 is the blind reliance on machines we have all so readily accepted.  It turns out the most accurate portrayal of the future may have come from the former Gover-nator.

We may not have flying cars, but our cars can parallel park on their own. We can’t teleport around the world, but we also can’t walk into a building without a machine opening a door for us.  We don’t have light-speed supertrains, but we do have electronic x-ray machines deciding whether or not we can fly.  Without the machines, we aren’t able to roll down the windows in the car, get into our house or out of the grocery store.  We can barely tell time without machines, and forget about Scrabble.

The most intrusive place the machines have taken over is in the bathroom.  We no longer are trusted with the simple act of washing our own hands.  We wait for a machine to decide whether or not to grant a tiny amount of water, then hope that the same machine finds us worthy of a bit of soap.  If  granted a bit of the precious soap, we are no longer trusted with it in it’s pure form.  No, we now only get the foam. (Someday I will tell my grandchildren about real soap.)

It is then a hopeless cause getting the faucet to relent a rinsing splash of water.  After this ordeal we must wave our hands and dance in front of a sensor hoping for a scrap of towel to dry with.  If we are lucky,  the newest bathroom machine, the moisture-sucking hand vacuum, will aide us in drying.  All this, yet I still have to wipe down the toilet seat if, god forbid, I have to sit on it, because there is no machine to clean the damn toilet seat after someone pisses all over it!!!

And this is the future??Where is my robot maid?  Where are my flying cars?   JETPACKS???

At this point I would settle for a silver jumper and skinny tie.  Or maybe an orange vest and a Tab.

Heavy.

Guess we know why Doc settled in the Wild West.

"Look out Marty, it's THE FUTURE!!!!"